Letter to the Bow-wow's Beloved

Dear "Animal Lover"

This is to state that I am a Homo sapiens resident of the old hostel. Off late I have noticed that you have been procreating quite conspicuously. In fact, this morning I found myself touched by your all encompassing animal love, when I saw my hands feeding Britannia biscuits to the puppies in the lawns, from my room in the first floor.

I am sure it must be extremely entertaining/satiating/orgasming to expand the Animals Lovers clan. But you see, I am terrified, psychologically and pathologically affected by animals. The fear of animals, especially canines, was rooted in me when a dog licked my two month old self. (The incident is still too raw to write on!) Ever since I have been running away from canines of any size, shape and age. I feel traumatized on seeing cur excreta on my floor doorways, on seeing new cur dinner-mates, on seeing them running around the trees and me.

I do humbly acknowledge that I am in no way close to being the recipient of the compassion that you bestow on your canines. I am not as faithful with tail wagging loyalty as they are. Nor do I induce any desire of petting or fondling that their furry skin calls for. Nor am I holdable on your lap or arms. Nor is my sleeping/eating an activity to be monitored and watched. Nor are my eyes and nose coochy-coo-able, rather are be-spectacled and watery.

However, I would request you to expand your love to other animals like me. Please express your love for canines behind the walls, or at least let your aficionado know that ONLY YOU love it and NOT ME! Can you also teach it some toilet manners? Also a word or two on the birds and the bees talk. Soon, in the next breeding season, these youngsters might start mating indiscriminately.

I hope you would understand my unstable frame of mind. My Chinese Therapist is trying to help me like dogs by introducing me to xiāng ròu.

Looking forward to your co-operation and a positive reply.

Yours sincerely....